New Blog

I've just added a new blog to my repertoire, basically aiming to annoy as many Christians as possible.

The Devil sends me a huge amount of Mormon and regular Christian blog sites, and some of them are worthy of a slightly wider audience for their sheer comedy value alone.

If anyone else finds any religious blog sites worthy of derision, do send them to me via the comments section of the new blog.

I thank you.

You're Next!

A colleague of mine has just rung up to tell us he'd found a USB drive lying around in an airport in Ireland. Nothing terribly unusual in that, mine falls off my lanyard about once a month. What was unusual though was the contents on the one he found.

A completely non-encrypted drive, with nice easy to read Word documents etc, showing Next's entire catalogue for next season and who was going to be sacked across the company.

Oopsie.

If anyone from Next - who his wife called to tell them about this, but they have so far failed to ring her back - would like this dongle returned, please contact me via the comments.

Ta

Smoking Outdoors

Since July 2007, it has become illegal to smoke indoors in pretty much every building in the UK (although apparently not in the bar in the House of Commons). However, since then, it has also become very tricky to smoke outdoors in an ever increasing number of places.

You can't, for example, smoke on the pavement in front of Kings Cross station in London (at least not on the yellow markings). Much to my surprise at the weekend, I also discovered you can no longer smoke in the outdoor shopping market in Enfield. Despite them having ashtrays set on top of the bins. And this only applies, oddly, to the old section (with the red brick floor) not the new bit (with the grey flagstones).

Two questions. First up, does anyone have any other examples of places you can no longer smoke? Secondly, if anyone of a legal persuasion is reading this, what, if any, is the offence if I smoke outdoors on private property where there are instructions telling me not to smoke? I feel a legal challenge coming on.

Spanish Holidays

So, got up at 5.15am on Saturday morning, drove to the airport and flew to Spain. Nice bit of the jet-setting, carbon-footprint-increasing (although I don't feel too bad as I don't have children) lifestyle I lead. Got to Girona (about 1hr North of Barcelona) and after a very short time, realised the place was pretty much shut.

According to three separate locals, it was because of some Spanish holiday. Although why they do it on a Saturday is a bit beyond me, seeing as office and factory workers traditionally don't work weekends. Mind you, most of Spain also has (or had up until very recently) the luxury of a good couple of hours kip in the middle of the afternoon every day, so they know a thing or two about taking the piss with regards to time off.

So anyway, we had a brief wander round Girona, sat in a park by the bus station for a couple of hours then flew home. Weather in Spain was lovely though - twice as hot as London, and not raining in the slightest. Going to aim to go back at some point in the New Year and have a couple of days, plus maybe weekends to Dublin and Amsterdam.

Which leads me to the main reason for this post - no, it wasn't to gloat about being in Spain - does anyone have any recommendations for nice places to go for the weekend that aren't in the UK, but can be reached in about 2 hours flying time?

Add answers in the comments, ta!

Led Zeppelin Tickets

According to the website people who have got tickets for the O2 Arena gig are supposed to have been told by today. I'm guessing from the lack of an email that I've not been chosen.

Anyone on here got tickets? I'm personally not bothered one way or another, but if anyone does have one, I know a Serbian guy who would pay SERIOUS money for a ticket.

Ta.

I Know Most Of You Know This Already

I also have another blog which is about a friend of mine who died earlier this year. It's actually a celebration of her life and her fight against the metastatic melanoma, rather than being a morbid recollection of her last days.

The reason I'm mentioning it now is, Bob's sister (Sam) is going to be running the Great South Run on behalf of CANCERactive in October and is looking for sponsors.

If anyone can donate, please click on this link then scroll down to the bottom of the page and enter the name Sam Williams and the amount. Or ring their office on 01280 821211 if you find t'interweb not secure enough.

Cheers!

A Question For Scientists

Can anyone explain why, when the Police or whoever seize large amounts of cocaine, they set fire to it? Surely this releases some of it into the air, to be inhaled by anyone who happens to be in the area? Never understood the point of that.

So if anyone can explain why they do this, please let me know.

Alan Johnston

You may know that Alan Johnston is a reporter for the BBC who went missing in Gaza on March 12. For more information about him, please click the link. Thanks.

Gareth Hunt Dead!

Following on the news of last week's death of John Inman, I'm sad to report that Gareth Hunt has died of pancreatic cancer.

While famous for playing Gambit in the New Avengers, he'll remain in my mind as the only person ever to do the international hand gesture for wanker in a commercial for coffee.

If anyone can link me to the advert I'd be VERY pleased.

Slightly Weird Request

Okay, for the past week I've been looking for hotels in London that have fantastic to-die-for bathrooms. So far I've found this site and this site, neither of which actually give that much information about bathrooms and the facilities therein.

So, does anyone have a recommendation for a hotel with a stunning bathroom?

I know I'm weird. I just so happen to like having a nice big bath.

Going To South Africa

From next Tuesday (13th Feb) I will be in Cape Town for a week or so. As I've never been to South Africa before, any suggestions of what to do/see would be greatly appreciated.

My plans so far include the Robben Island museum, taking the cablecar up Table Mountain and probably having a look round at least one winery. Apart from that, I'm open to suggestions. As I don't have a credit card, however, I won't be able to hire a car, so if you could try to make any suggestions in and around Cape Town itself, that would be even better.

Men's Clothing

Is it just me or is it universally dull at the moment?

I've spent a bewildering day in the local retail palace - Wood Green's Shopping City - and unless you're either a teenager or like dressing like one, there's not a lot out there.

Admittedly there are a lot of sales on - and if I was going skiing or to a funeral, then there'd have been lots to choose from - so any stock that's half-decent is shoved into a tiny corner and looks relatively expensive in comparison to the rest of the tat. But the half-decent stuff is barely even that.

Do I want a zip up sweat top thing? No. Shame, as I could've chosen from about 30 slightly differing styles. Do I want jeans with un-authentic ageing or something sprayed on them? No. Again, there were about 20 different brands offering the same thing. T-shirt with the brand name on it, that's designed for a teenager, and will only succeed in making me look fatter than I am? No thanks, but I do admire the choice you've offered me.

Smart-casual (oxymoron) is possibly even worse: polo shirts (don't own a horse or want to look like a banker), long sleeved plain coloured t-shirts (not with my barrel chest, thanks), thin jumpers (why? and no thanks, I'm Northern) and chino type trousers (I said "no" in the 90's and I'm still saying "no" now).

Does anyone know of anywhere a man in the mid/late-30s can actually buy something that doesn't make you look like you're desperately hanging onto your youth, or at the M&S/River Island end of the market, that you're actually 50? I'm stuck with a lot of clothes I bought FIVE years ago and jeans I buy from Asda.

I may have to contact one of those daytime shows and see if they can do me a makeover. Or, for the die-hard folly of it, one of those extreme makeovers where they also give you free plastic surgery.

Bah Humbug

I'm not usually one for doing a great deal at Xmas, this year being no exception, but I wouldn't mind actually going on a Company Christmas Party (CCP) for a change.

Not just for the usual excess of alcohol - which I can actually manage quite easily by myself, as mentioned previously - but for the shared entertainment of seeing people you work with get hilariously drunk and generally embarrass themselves for the next few months.

Unfortunately, where I am currently working, we don't do a CCP - my boss likes Xmas even less than I do, and will actually be doing the Paris-Dakar rally over the "festive period" - so I'm actively touting to go to someone else's.

So if anyone would like to invite me to their CCP, I'll consider each and any offer I receive, and then probably turn up. I'll even wear a suit if necessary and pretend I work in a different office. It needs to be somewhere within a couple of hours of London, but apart from that I'm not fussy.

/me sits back and waits for the offers to flood in.