Men's Clothing

Is it just me or is it universally dull at the moment?

I've spent a bewildering day in the local retail palace - Wood Green's Shopping City - and unless you're either a teenager or like dressing like one, there's not a lot out there.

Admittedly there are a lot of sales on - and if I was going skiing or to a funeral, then there'd have been lots to choose from - so any stock that's half-decent is shoved into a tiny corner and looks relatively expensive in comparison to the rest of the tat. But the half-decent stuff is barely even that.

Do I want a zip up sweat top thing? No. Shame, as I could've chosen from about 30 slightly differing styles. Do I want jeans with un-authentic ageing or something sprayed on them? No. Again, there were about 20 different brands offering the same thing. T-shirt with the brand name on it, that's designed for a teenager, and will only succeed in making me look fatter than I am? No thanks, but I do admire the choice you've offered me.

Smart-casual (oxymoron) is possibly even worse: polo shirts (don't own a horse or want to look like a banker), long sleeved plain coloured t-shirts (not with my barrel chest, thanks), thin jumpers (why? and no thanks, I'm Northern) and chino type trousers (I said "no" in the 90's and I'm still saying "no" now).

Does anyone know of anywhere a man in the mid/late-30s can actually buy something that doesn't make you look like you're desperately hanging onto your youth, or at the M&S/River Island end of the market, that you're actually 50? I'm stuck with a lot of clothes I bought FIVE years ago and jeans I buy from Asda.

I may have to contact one of those daytime shows and see if they can do me a makeover. Or, for the die-hard folly of it, one of those extreme makeovers where they also give you free plastic surgery.