To My Darling Valentine



Perhaps not the exact sentiments that you'd like to display on your mantelpiece.

Although I suspect that's why he's marrying you.

From FAILblog - putting semen into amusement.

Arrested For Having A Pale Document

Quite simply stunned by this story on the BBC where a man attempting to renew his car tax was arrested. Staff at the DVLA in Newcastle thought his two-week-old MOT certificate was a forgery because it was a lighter shade than his previous one, and the police were called.

Mr Cook, a 49-year-old roofer, was arrested, questioned and held for three hours before being released. He said:

"They read me my rights, then I was put in another room, fingerprinted, photographed and had a DNA swab taken."

Good luck with getting that removed from the DNA database, fella.

To add insult to injury, he then had to return to the DVLA where he had to go to the back of the queue.

Things To Do When You Are Bored

There are a lot of websites in the world. Mine is just one of them. I don't read mine every day, as I tend to remember what I wrote. I do, however, read a lot of other people's websites every single day - including some that I refresh repeatedly throughout the day.

These are mostly political blogging sites and technology sites, although I have recently started to check out more and more amusing picture sites. There's the classic LOLCats and the spin-off LOLDogs. There's also the sometimes weird Picture Is Unrelated and the wonderful look at everyday life letting you down FAILblog.

And it is from that last one that I discovered Photobombing. Photobombing is basically where you hijack someone else's photograph. The person taking the photo is (usually) aware that there's some hijacking going on, but the people in it almost definitely aren't. Like this, for example.


However, with the advent of compact digital cameras, there's a pretty good chance that one of the people in the photo will actually be taking the photo, and the photobomber has a great opportunity for hijacking without anyone being the wiser until after the photo has been taken. Like this, for example.


There's also the possibility of an accidental bit of photobombing, where something going on in the background that you weren't aware of at the time, only becomes obvious once the picture is seen in a much larger format than the back of the camera. Like the following two fine examples.


So the next time you see someone taking a photo, bomb it. You know it makes sense.

An Open Letter To Roskilde Festival

I'm sorry I have to write this, but I need to tell you how unhappy I am with your line-up this year.

Firstly, let me explain my background. I was introduced to Roskilde by The Devil, she rated it as the best festival in the world, and raved about the time she had at the 2006 event (headliners Bob Dylan, Guns & Roses, The Strokes, Franz Ferdinand, sub-headliners Primal Scream, Kaizer Chiefs, Deftones, Placebo, Scissor Sisters among others)

I went and was soaked in 2007, but amazed by the acts provided. Pretty much everyone on the main stage and the Arena stage were people I'd heard of and were interested in seeing. Okay, so there were a lot of American and British bands, but they were, for the most part, rock acts. While I stood in the horizontal rain patiently waiting for my wristband, I heard the Killers. From the leaking tent you provided, I heard The Who, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Queens of the Stone Age. I dragged myself through mud to watch My Chemical Romance and Machinehead in the tent. I stood all day in front of the main stage watching Muse, Arctic Monkeys, Flaming Lips and Basement Jaxx.

Despite the soaking, despite the mud, despite the leaky tents, we came back for 2008. We bought our tickets before the headliners were announced. We were delighted with your free Get-A-Tent tickets to make up for the debacle of the previous year's tents. We waited with bated breath to see what delights were in store for us.

And you announced Grinderman, Slayer, My Bloody Valentine and Neil Young. We didn't complain as we felt sure there would be other acts added to make the journey worthwhile. You added Slayer, Gnarls Barkly and Radiohead. We noted with delight that we could avoid Radiohead fans by going to see the final Hellacopters performance. We hoped Bullet For My Valentine would be as good in the tent as MCR had been the previous year. And then you announced Jay-Z....

I mean, really. What were you thinking? And he was closing the festival? What. The. Fuck. A rapper/hip hop bloke closing the Roskilde Festival? Had you taken leave of your senses?

The Festival itself had much better weather than the previous year. Which was a relief, as we spent most of it as far away from the main stages as possible. Seasick Steve was in too small a venue and we saw nothing. MGMT were too far from anywhere to get to easily. And Slayer were only funny because of infants dancing to them whilst wearing headphones. The "highlight" for me was the fact that it started to piss down with rain just as Jay-Z was about to come on stage and everybody legged it. We managed to squeeze into the tent for Hot Chip and dried off by bouncing up and down with the crowd there - until they ruined it by finishing their set with a cover of "Time After Time". Way to go to ruin a vibe.

And so to this year. It started off with some promise: Slipknot, Madness, Nine Inch Nails. And some dross, Coldplay, Lily Allen and the fifteen years past their "prime" Oasis. It will pick up, we said, and even though the disastrous fall of the GBP against the DKK meant the tickets were nearly twice as expensive as last year, we bought early. We also dutifully filled in the Artist Request forms so you could see what we wanted.

And then you announced Lil' Wayne and Kanye West. And, just for good measure, the fucking Pet Shop Boys. Oh how we fumed. But we believed that you would, Roskilde Festival, pull out some big names when you announced the main line up for this year's event. And in some ways, you did. Not the ones we were expecting though, sadly.

Grace Jones?!? Who the hell asked for Grace Jones? Why do you bother asking for band requests and then book Grace Jones? Where's Faith No More? Where's Limp Bizkit? Where's the upcoming metal bands? Didn't this used to be a rock festival? Why the obsession with hip-hop?

Consider this a warning. Please get some better acts or we won't be back.

Nominative Determinism?

Possibly just a really impressive piece of naming by her parents, or the sort of unfortunate juxtaposition that coincidence likes to throw up, but a woman named Cassandra telling police that her husband would kill her, and the police then not doing anything about it, is eerily reminiscent of Greek mythology, don't you think?

Perhaps I'm Horrified At The Wrong Part

Read this story (the link is from the Daily Mail, I read it in the Metro) yesterday on the way to work, and couldn't work out what was bothering me about it.

The headteacher of a primary school where London Mayor Boris Johnson sends one of his children has been suspended over claims he watched pornography in his office

Having reflected on the above information, I realised that it wasn't those facts that bothered me. The story is obviously old (suspended in October last year), the reason for the suspension is obvious (pr0n at work is "bad", when your workplace is a school this is obviously doubleplus bad), and the first paragraph mention of Boris Johnson is being used to justify the exposure the story is getting now.

No, none of that bothered me.

This, bit, however, did.

Jay Henderson, 35, is awaiting the outcome of a disciplinary inquiry possibly due this week.

35?!?! Thirty fucking five? And he's the fucking headmaster? What the fuck? How? Shouldn't he only have progressed to head of year or something? How old are the rest of the teachers? Twelve?

As I said, I think I may have been horrified by completely the wrong part of this story.

Linux User Too Suspicious To Be Ignored

Rather a weird tale from Boston, where a Computer Science student has had all of his computer kit seized (and pretty much everything else he owns) and has been suspended from his job for the heinous crime of understanding Linux. The University are alleging slightly more than *just* that, but they do seem suspicious of someone who can navigate their way round a non-Windows OS.

The EFF - who is representing him - has a copy of the warrant and says

"In his application, the investigating officer asked that he be permitted to seize the student's computers and other personal effects because they might yield evidence of the crimes of "Obtaining computer services by Fraud or Misrepresentation" and "Unauthorized access to a computer system."

Aside from the remarkable overreach by campus and state police in trying to paint a student as suspicious in part because he can navigate a non-Windows computer environment, nothing cited in the warrant application could possibly constitute the cited criminal offenses.

There are no assertions that a commercial (i.e. for pay) commercial service was defrauded, a necessary element of any "Obtaining computer services by Fraud or Misrepresentation" allegation. Similarly, the investigating officer doesn't explain how sending an e-mail to a campus mailing list might constitute "unauthorized access to a computer system."

The Slashdot post that brought this to my attention was tagged with "Idiocracy", which sums it all up rather nicely.

Billboard Fun

H/t again to Obnoxio.

This is great. Change the wording to whatever pleases you.


Click image to embiggen