Make Sixteen Percent Less Shit Then

According to the BBC Trust, they're going to have to start paying for the over 75s to have a TV licence.

At the moment, the cost of this - £556m - is paid for by the Department of Work & Pensions. I wasn't aware that the Government had to actually pay for the over 75s to have a TV licence, I had (stupidly) assumed that they would just send out a different piece of paper with "FREE TV LICENCE" written on it that pensioners could hang on their wall. Or maybe, put a tick in a box on a spreadsheet so that the TV Licensing people wouldn't go round and bother them. You know, something cost-effective like that.

Now I've just worked out that means there must be at least 3.8m people in the UK who are over 75 and receiving a free TV licence. This seems to be in line with the TV Licensing people who say; "At the end of March 2009 approximately 3.97 million free over 75 TV Licences were in issue at a cost of approximately £518.9 million to the Department for Work and Pensions."

According to this document there were 4.7 million people in the UK aged 75 and over in 2006. The number is projected to increase to 5.5 million by 2016 and to 8.2 million by 2031, a rise of 76 per cent over twenty-five years. So the amount of money the BBC is going to have to "pay" for the free licences is going to increase heartily.

Although I think the number of people over 75 getting a TV licence seems to be somewhat high. Given that a fair amount of over 75s live in sheltered accommodation or in residential care (400,000 according to this report) or are in hospital - and the TV Licence for those places are either at a reduced rate or paid for completely by the care home or hospital - and you'd think a fair number of over 75s live together as part of a couple, where are all these over 75s who are living alone?

It's almost as if there's some sort of scam going on. "Yeah, my mother lives with us, we need to have a free TV licence." Free TV Licence appears, mother gets carted off to a nursing home. The BBC/TV Licensing people check mother isn't dead, free TV licence continues for many more years at a place where she doesn't live.

For some reason, I thought the BBC also got some money from the Government on top of receiving the licence fee. I didn't think it was from the DWP, as previously admitted. No idea what I was thinking, but it seems they get the licence fee only. I say "only", that came to £3.45bn in 2009/10. Yes, £3.45 BILLION. I'm going to guess that that figure includes the contested half a billion from the DWP.

So this is, essentially, the BBC complaining about not getting the full amount of licence fee from the Government because the Government will no longer be paying for the over 75s to have a TV Licence. They'd still be getting £2.9bn from the rest of the licence payers, plus however much money they make from their various commerical arms (sales abroad, DVD sales, tie-in merchandise etc)

A BBC Trust spokeswoman said it would be "unacceptable" for licence fee payers to foot the bill. "Anything at this stage is speculation as we have yet to see the detail of the Spending Review. That said it would be unacceptable for licence fee payers to pick up the bill for what is a Department for Work and Pensions universal benefit," she added. Newsnight's Political Editor Michael Crick added increases in the licence fee were unlikely to cover the cost, which was the equivalent of a 16% cut in the BBC's present budget.

Dear BBC, I have some suggestions. Send 16% less people to Glastonbury/Olympics/"major news event abroad". Stop paying stupidly high salaries to presenters (you might lose more twunts like Adrian Chiles that way). Move out of London (side benefit, London regional news stops being presented as national news). Oh, and finally, make 16% less shit than you currently do.

Nominative Determinism?

Possibly just a really impressive piece of naming by her parents, or the sort of unfortunate juxtaposition that coincidence likes to throw up, but a woman named Cassandra telling police that her husband would kill her, and the police then not doing anything about it, is eerily reminiscent of Greek mythology, don't you think?

Where Scottish Hospitals Will Have To Follow

Following on nicely from yesterday's story about Scotland forcing a minimum price per unit of alcohol, a lovely and heart-warming tale from Dorset.

A local NHS hospital has removed the alcohol hand gels - put there specifically to stop hospital visitors catching or spreading MRSA etc (as the doctors and nurses sure as hell don't use them) - to stop the visitors drinking them.

You can see this happening in Scotland, can't you? You put the price up and stop 18 year old's from buying booze in off licences and pretty soon the hospitals are blocked up with the little buggers drinking everything in sight.

That, however, is not the weird or amusing part of this story.

The National Concern for Healthcare Infections say the gel, which contains up to 70% alcohol levels, is being stolen and mixed with other drinks.

However, Dr Bill Gramsden, director of infection control at the hospital, said there had been no reports of incidents or bottles of the gel being stolen but decided to bring in the extra measures after recommendations to all hospitals from the National Patient Safety Association.

So despite nothing having happened, the hospital have removed a control measure against MRSA, because of concerns about the safety of patients.

What. The. Fuck.

Kafka, the NHS. The NHS, Kafka. Oh, I see you've already met.

Scottish Drinkers, It Appears You're Next.

As the Scots are used to being fucked first - it was they who had to endure the Poll Tax first - they should have been expecting the upcoming change to alcohol sales that has been revealed by Scotland on Sunday.

MINISTERS are to press ahead with a crackdown on sales of cheap alcohol in a move that could be fast-tracked through Parliament in as little as six months, Scotland on Sunday can reveal.

In the biggest shake-up of alcohol laws for years, the Government is expected to confirm tomorrow that cut-price drink offers will be banned, minimum prices on alcohol imposed and a higher age limit set on off-sales.

A minimum price of 50p per unit of alcohol, as advocated by health campaigners, would result in rocketing prices. A two-litre bottle of cider, currently priced at around £3, would cost £7.50. Wine would also increase in price, with a £3 bottle of wine possibly rising to a minimum of £5.

The controversial plan to increase the age limit for off-sales to 21 is to remain in the proposals, despite opposition from students.

Scotland on Sunday understands that ministers may seek to place some of the measures – such as the ban on "Buy One Get One Free" deals – in the existing 2005 Licensing Act, which is due to come into force in September.

The Act enshrines "protecting and improving public health" as a key objective of all licensing decisions, so the Government may argue that it gives the power to ban cheap drink offers. The same logic could also be applied to plans to impose minimum pricing.

What the Scotsman fails to add is that this should guarantee a boom for retailers just South of the border. Imagine the queues of 18 year old Scots hanging around Tesco in Carlisle until they open at 8am on a Monday. It's not as if they've got much else to do, is it? But bootlegging is at least a career. Or it is until the Government down in England make similar changes to the law.

Drinkers, you're fucked next. Please adopt the position and lube yourself thoroughly, this may hurt.

Just Something That Caught My Eye

In the on-going debate about the death of Baby P, I see that a former social worker, Nevres Kemal, claims she sent a letter to the Department of Health in February 2007 stating her concerns about Haringey Council's failings with regard to child protection.

The bit in this report on the BBC that caught my eye, however, was the following:

Ms Kemal has been banned from discussing the matter after local authority took out an injunction against her.

For what, exactly? Being right?

How can a local authority take an injunction out against a former employee (or indeed anyone else) for discussing something SHE brought to THEIR attention?

25 Years? Are You Quite Sure About That?

I was watching - as usual - the BBC early morning news, then the ITV early morning news before I left the house this morning. I forget which channel it was, but there was a report about the TV show "The Bill" having celebrated its 25th Anniversary.

"Wow" I thought, "it doesn't seem that long since it started."

And while technically it was over 25 years ago that the pilot episode was broadcast (on August 16th 1983) the series itself only started on 16th October 1984. Or just over 24 years ago.

Not today, you understand, but October 16th.

So I'm somewhat surprised to have seen a relatively long piece on whichever news programme it was, telling me The Bill had been going for 25 years. When it would have been more appropriate to tell me that on August 16th, or to wait until October 16th next year.

Plus, it's not as if there's nothing else going on in the world, is it? Cunts.

Day Of Fantastic Quotes

Quite an interesting selection, in my opinion, showing the wit and stupidity of people in the UK in equal amounts.

In regard to this article about banning fast food outlets from opening "within 400m (0.4km) of areas often used by children", this beautiful bit of double speak Council leader councillor Clyde Loakes:

"There are more than enough fast food outlets in this borough and we want to stop any more from opening. The bottom line is that residents simply don't have enough choice because of the number of fast food takeaways - we don't want to tell them how to live their lives but we do want to give them the widest possible choice in what they can eat."

In response to this idea of putting anti-religious statements on London's buses, a wonderful statement of blind stupidity from Stephen Green of pressure group Christian Voice who said:

"People don't like being preached at."

as well as the equally fucking stupid:

"Bendy-buses, like atheism, are a danger to the public at large."

It's funny, I don't recall atheism or bendy buses causing many wars or bombing campaigns. Maybe I was off that day when we covered it in World History.

Again from the BBC, in an article about the latest book to have "angered Muslims" (really, are there any other types of Muslim?) a particularly funny comment from 'Mark, London':

"I understand the anger of Muslims. I grew up in a family of fundamentalist dental hygienists, and I know how angry I would be if someone wrote such blasphemous lies about the tooth fairy."

The best, for me, was a letter in today's Metro. I've tried to find a better link online, but this (registration required) seems to be the only place, on page 22. Here's a picture of it instead.

This Is Newcastle, Man!

Okay, so not as glamorous as shouting "This is Africa", but with a similar disregard for laws as the former colonies.

Newcastle's drinking culture has come under the spotlight today, with the Spy Bar in Jesmond selling bottles of strong lager for just 10p each. And yes, 10p is still a lot of money in Newcastle, thanks for asking.

Anyway, note the slight change in outlook between the BBC's interview:

Spy's owner, Mr Handa, said: "The bottles were being sold at full price months ago, but they were no longer on sale. Two or three cases, or 36 bottles, were later found behind the bar and were sold off at the cheap price, but they were limited to one per person and only offered to regular customers. There was certainly no promotion, no adverts or anything like that."

and that from the Metro.

Spy Bar spokesman said: "I don't think we have been irresponsible at all. We were given two crates of beer by the brewery and just wanted to get rid of it. If people are drinking too much alcohol that is their choice."

It most certainly is. Although for some reason (surely not bandwagon jumping?) the local police and council now want to get involved.

Police Supt Dave Wormald said: "Northumbria Police is committed to tackling alcohol-related disorder. My neighbourhood officers will be speaking to the management at this establishment to take the appropriate course of action to discourage them from offering such promotions." And if I were the management I'd be telling you to get out of my premises.

Councillor Anita Lower, executive member for community safety and regulation (which is surely the most pointless job title you've heard in quite some time) at Newcastle City Council, said the bar's management would be "invited to meet the council's licensing committee". Again, if I was invited to the City council, I would be telling them to fuck off out of my business.

What the bar did - regardless of how they did it - is not illegal. The big supermarkets do this sort of thing all the time (have you seen any wine advertised as £7.99 a bottle, £10 for 3?) and keep getting away with it. Bars are having huge problems getting anyone into them; the smoking ban and the public perception of a credit crunch are not ideal conditions for welcoming people to a night out.

This twunt - another Doctor, who can presumably afford £30 bottles of Claret - has a different idea though. (From the Metro article):

Dr Christopher Record, who works at Newcastle's Freeman and Royal Victoria Infirmary hospitals, said: 'The offer is absolutely monstrous. It's totally irresponsible, one bottle of that beer contains 2.8 units of alcohol and they are charging the equivalent of 4p for a unit.' The doctor added he wanted to see new laws making it illegal to sell alcohol for less than 50p a unit.

Now that, I believe would be called price fixing. And that is most definitely illegal.

Blank Passports Going Cheap!

The BBC are reporting that a batch of 3000 blank passports has been snatched during their delivery from Manchester to London.

The Foreign Office admitted a serious breach of security over the loss of the passports and visa stickers, which were being sent to embassies overseas.

However, the passport service said the stolen documents could not be used by thieves because of their hi-tech embedded chip security features. The passports were the new electronic variety which contain a chip replicating the data printed on the document itself.

Well that's a relief. Because obviously no-one has shown the flaws in the new e-passport, have they? So it must be "secure" in a sense I'm not familiar with.

And correct me if I'm wrong here, but not every country in the world is going to have the necessary equipment for reading the passports anyway. So if you're travelling to say, Australian Samoa by boat, how high exactly are the odds of your passport being checked using the e-passport reader?

Ah, I've worked out the meaning of "secure". It means that we in the UK are, while the rest of the world who can't afford the e-passport reader are now open to 3000 potential terrorists. Well that makes me feel a whole load safer.

South Central

Not Los Angeles's infamous suburb, but the wild lands that are South London.

Following on from last week's mob attack on two policemen who tried to get a girl to pick up litter, news today of a woman being slashed by a 10 year old boy who wanted a cigarette off her.

The woman, in her 50s, was confronted by the boy and his friend outside Selhurst railway station in south London on Wednesday. He tried to grab a lit cigarette from her mouth and attacked her when she shouted back at the pair. Passers-by rushed to her aid as she bled heavily from the wound which was inflicted with a craft knife or razor.

South London: it's the place to be, I tell you.

BBC Having A Laugh, Again

The BBC initially headlined that today's report by the Charity Commission into the Smith Institute had cleared them of too many connections to the Labour Party. Bloomberg had a slightly different slant on that report. The BBC have now amended the headline, probably because the original one wasn't entirely true. And you wonder why some people think the BBC is a bit biased towards Labour...

Now, on the Magazine page, there's an article saying that there are "Reasons to be Cheerful" in the current economic climate.

1. HOUSE PRICES ARE UP
2. EMPLOYMENT RATE IS HIGH
3. INFLATION HAS FALLEN
4. LOWER EARNINGS ARE GOOD
5. WE'RE LIVING LONGER

I have responded to said article with the following:

Good grief, was this written for you by a Government minister?

The elderly are getting wealthier are they? I'm sure the many pensioners in fuel poverty would be delighted to hear that. As well as the ones unable to pay the ever-increasing Council Tax.

The employment figures quoted are from May and obviously won't take into account the people made redundant in the building industry over what is normally their busiest times.

The RPI isn't weighted very well and puts too much emphasis on consumer electronics (not regular purchases) when the more major increases have taken place on food and fuel. Consumer electronics have always come down in price over time. Also how can it go down if house prices are still going up as you contend in the first point?

While there has been some over stating of the downturn in the economy, this article is diabolical.

Although I wish I'd asked them how tractor production was going. Or the war with Eurasia, come to that.

Fucking bastards.

Lying Bastards

Not content with being a general shower of bastards (as mentioned below) the Government have endeared themselves to me even more by this splendid bit of double-speak with regard to the current truckers' protest.

A Treasury spokesman said the government understood business and families were "feeling the pressure from high fuel prices". But they said the "immediate priority" was to encourage oil-producing countries to increase output, that a 2p-per-litre fuel duty increase had been put back from April to October and fuel duty was "still 11% below its 1999 level, in real terms".

Hmm. Really? Do you have, you know, figures to back that up? And what difference exactly would increasing output actually achieve? The majority of the cost of petrol and diesel at the pumps is Duty. And the Government sets the level of Duty. Instead of hand-wringing to OPEC, how about doing something constructive that would benefit the country?

Justice Secretary Jack Straw told the BBC he "fully understood" the hauliers' concerns, but "government revenues have to come from somewhere".

Ah, and that would be the real reason why the Government are more than happy to keep Duty at the present levels. Rather than doing what they're forcing the entire fucking country to do - cut expenditure because income is low - the Government are insisting that they can't control their spending, so we have to keep bailing the bastards out.

The Tories propose anyone under 21 who is unemployed for three months would be sent for an intensive programme of work-related activity. If they were still jobless after a year they would be moved to a full-time 12-month community work programme, with those who turn down a job losing their benefits. Which would be a start, eh?

Or maybe cutting down on profligacy in Government, as more than £325m a year is being wasted by government departments through inefficient use of office space, MPs have said. The Commons public accounts committee (as in MPs themselves, never the harshest critics of their own white elephants) recommended more civil servants should be relocated from London to cut costs. Amusingly, the committee said the Treasury was spending the most on employees' workspace and urged it to "set a better example".

Yet the Government take the "we need more money, so fuck you all" approach instead. And by doing this, show the short termist mentality you'd normally find in investment banks. By not reducing fuel duty for hauliers, the Government risks losing all tax income from that industry. Foreign hauliers, buying fuel on mainland Europe, can come over to the UK and offer their services at a greatly reduced price. No income tax, no VAT, as the theme tune to Only Fools & Horses says, failing to add, no fuel duty, no vehicle excise duty etc, etc, etc.

Fuck the Government, before they fuck you. Join the Revolution.

I am the Revolution, and I want my fucking country back.

Lib Dems Also Wankers, Shock

The documents relating to a FOI request into MP's expense claims have been released. Among the nuggets released so far, receipts from 2003 show the then prime minister Tony Blair spent more than £10,000 on refurbishing the kitchen at Myrobela - his constituency home in county Durham. Items included tiling and £1,000 on fitting a mantel shelf to the AGA.

More entertainingly, the MP's are HUGELY pissed off that their home addresses are going to be published. The High Court ruled that MPs' addresses should be published - pointing out they were already disclosed when MPs sought nomination for election and if someone was determined to discover it, they were likely to be able to do so.

Liberal Democrat MP Bob Russell has tabled a motion calling for a breakdown of the expenses of, and home addresses of, High Court judges. Conservative MP Julian Lewis backed Mr Russell's move in the Commons on Thursday, branding the release of MPs' addresses "barking mad" and claiming it opened them up to hate mail and attacks by "extremists".

Perhaps if your expense claims weren't so fucking outrageous, and you hadn't backed the illegal war in Iraq quite so obediently, you wouldn't have so many people anxious to tell you what a shower of cunts you all are. Just a thought.

Snouts In Trough

Good-ish news today, the House of Commons has lost its High Court battle against a decision to force disclosure of MPs' expenses. The Commons authorities must release the details by 1600 BST next Friday. They have until Tuesday to appeal, and I'm expecting them to.

The Commons challenged the Information Tribunal's "unlawfully intrusive" demand that a detailed breakdown of second home allowances must be given. They also failed to overturn the tribunal's decision that MPs' addresses should be published, as the courts decided that any individual who was determined to find out, could do so quite easily and legally anyway.

The Commons authorities have also been ordered to pay at least £33,500 in costs. And I'm fairly certain that will end up coming from the tax payer. Like every other fucking thing. And I'm again fairly certain the tax payer will be paying for the next appeal as well. As if MPs don't make enough money from the tax payer already.

On a related note, Commons Speaker Michael Martin was himself criticised when it emerged that his wife had claimed £4,139 on taxis - largely for shopping trips. The money claimed back comes from, you've guessed it, the tax payer! But on Wednesday, Parliament's standards chief John Lyon ruled Mary Martin's claims were "reasonable".

Presumably that's Parliament's definition, not that used by the public. Because I don't see how it's reasonable that the Speaker's WIFE - not even him - can have her taxi fares paid for by taxpayers.

The solution is simple. Stop paying tax.

I am the Revolution and I want my fucking country back, you thieving, money grabbing cunts.

Tax Allowances Raised, Darling

The Government have today announced that they are increasing the personal allowances on the basic rate of tax by £600 so that those in that bracket receive an extra £120 a year. There will be a lump sum of £60 in September, followed by £10 a month after that.

Now I'm not a mathematician, an economist or indeed Chancellor (who is neither a mathematician nor an economist), but I'm fairly certain that is still less than the £232 a year that the removal of the 10p tax band cost single people with no children who are earning less than £18,500 per annum.

So the promises made earlier this month about making sure no-one was worse off are, like the majority of promises made by the Government, completely pointless. Hmm, having just checked that promise, it seems Darling only promised to "compensate" not to completely reimburse.

The obvious answer for the Government, surely, would be to raise the tax allowance to £12,000. This allows people on minimum wage to earn a realistic amount before they start paying taxes for the benefit of the rest of the population. It also reduces the amount of paperwork for small businesses.

The more sensible answer, as I've advocated before, is to stop paying taxes to this shower of incompetent cunts. Stop paying Council Tax, avoid paying income tax and try bartering for goods and services to avoid paying VAT.

Albert Hoffman Dead

Albert Hoffman will be taking his trip into the afterlife, after a heart attack at the age of 103. Hoffman, for those not aware of the name, produced LSD in the 1930s - although it wasn't until 1943 that he discovered the hallucinogenic properties after accidentally getting some on his hand.

Hoffman disliked the way LSD was hijacked by the hippy movement in the States during the 60s and hoped that it would be used for more medicinal purposes as he had intended.

Have a good trip dude.

Well You've Convinced Me

The BBC are reporting on the trial of an alleged head of a terrorist cell. If you bother clicking the link, the headline is

"Suspect 'checked air timetables'"

Fuck me, he's obviously guilty then, the shifty looking cunt! What other heinous crimes was he committing?

Woolwich Crown Court heard he also talked "in hushed tones" on his mobile.

Makes a pleasant change, someone actually talking quietly while on their mobile in a public place - this bloke should be stuffed and mounted. I wonder what exactly made this behaviour so suspicious?

Prosecutor Richard Whittam said Mr Ali was observed speaking in "hushed tones in a foreign language" on a mobile phone.

That would be Mr Abdulla Ahmed Ali. I'm guessing here that English may not be his first language. If it is, there's a good chance it wasn't the first language of the person he was speaking to.

Mr Ali was then seen looking at an American Airlines page marked "timetable notepad". He then highlighted sections of numbers on the screen. Mr Ali was seen looking at the BAA Heathrow website showing "some sort" of timetable, before visiting a flight-booking website.

Blimey, I can't imagine a scenario where I would need to do that. Apart from booking flights and seeing which flights I wanted to take, obviously. He's blatantly a bomber! We should just hang the fucker now.

It gets better though.

The court also heard how on the same day, co-defendant Assad Sarwar, who was described as the group's "quartermaster", visited an internet cafe in Slough. He was observed as he wrote an email and then made notes as he looked up internet sites related to hydroponics - the process of growing plants without soil. He also looked up information on plant growing and feeding.

Hydroponics? Bomb making! Or growing weed. One or the other. But probably bombs.

In case you're interested, these are the idiots who, it is claimed, were intending to take a liquid bomb onto a plane. Or several planes. Or several bongs onto several planes. Whatever. The reason you can't take more than 100ml of liquid onto a plane is being put on trial here, essentially. Although if this represents the level of evidence they've got against them - oh, apart from them all looking a bit muslim - then I'm thinking there may be an acquittal. I will revise this opinion if there's more serious evidence at some later point.

As I mentioned closer to the time however, The Register explained very carefully why the liquid (or binary) bomb plot would never have worked.

Still, I'm sure BAA have been delighted in the increase in sales of shampoo, conditioner, toothpaste and soft drinks they've had since the introduction of the liquid ban, eh? Helps them pay for the supreme fuck up that is Terminal 5.

Good News Everybody!

Caffeine is now officially a way of reducing the risk of getting Alzheimer's.

Given the stupendous amounts of the stuff I've been drinking for the past two decades, I think I can now stop worrying about getting Alzheimer's! w00 h00!

Virtual Tube Ride Reduces Paranoia

The BBC is reporting that a "virtual" tube ride can help people overcome their fears that other passengers are 'looking at them a bit funny'. This employs a "virtual reality" type experience (ie not a great deal like reality) that allows people to have more control over their environment than they would in real life, so that they can become used to the situation without feeling quite as threatened.

A similar technique has been used for some time for helping people get over their arachnophobia, and others.

Interestingly, I would have thought given the amount of fights, knife attacks and general chaos that happens on buses nowadays, the researchers would have been better served trying to work out a way of making buses *actually* safer, rather than tubes *virtually* safer.

Good News Everybody!

Caffeine is now officially a way of reducing the risk of getting Alzheimer's.

Given the stupendous amounts of the stuff I've been drinking for the past two decades, I think I can now stop worrying about getting Alzheimer's! w00 h00!