Things To Do When You Are Bored

There are a lot of websites in the world. Mine is just one of them. I don't read mine every day, as I tend to remember what I wrote. I do, however, read a lot of other people's websites every single day - including some that I refresh repeatedly throughout the day.

These are mostly political blogging sites and technology sites, although I have recently started to check out more and more amusing picture sites. There's the classic LOLCats and the spin-off LOLDogs. There's also the sometimes weird Picture Is Unrelated and the wonderful look at everyday life letting you down FAILblog.

And it is from that last one that I discovered Photobombing. Photobombing is basically where you hijack someone else's photograph. The person taking the photo is (usually) aware that there's some hijacking going on, but the people in it almost definitely aren't. Like this, for example.


However, with the advent of compact digital cameras, there's a pretty good chance that one of the people in the photo will actually be taking the photo, and the photobomber has a great opportunity for hijacking without anyone being the wiser until after the photo has been taken. Like this, for example.


There's also the possibility of an accidental bit of photobombing, where something going on in the background that you weren't aware of at the time, only becomes obvious once the picture is seen in a much larger format than the back of the camera. Like the following two fine examples.


So the next time you see someone taking a photo, bomb it. You know it makes sense.

Billboard Fun

H/t again to Obnoxio.

This is great. Change the wording to whatever pleases you.


Click image to embiggen

Things To Do For Free In The Easter Holidays

And I've deliberately used that title in order to garner more hits from Google. This wonderful idea comes from B3ta's sickipedia site.

With the Easter weekend approaching a lot of people will be going to the seaside and visiting amusement arcades. If you live near one of these places it's a good time to play the following prank

1. Get loads of 2p coins
2. Get some Cillit Bang
3. Use the Cillit Bang to write swear words on the coins
4. Go to your local arcade and put them in the 2p pushes machines
5. Enjoy your Easter knowing somebody is going to win a 2p coin that you've written "CUNT" on!

Jade Goody Jokes

From the creators of B3ta, I give you 114 pages of Jade Goody jokes.

As a start, and so you can see the level of humour available without clicking the link, here's some of my favourites.

I think Jack Tweed should now start to look on the bright side - at least there is still time to get his 28 day money back guarantee at Argos for the wedding ring.

Jade Goody has cancer, and she claims that she is worried that hair loss might ruin her looks. Nice to see she hasn't lost her sense of humour.

Apparently Jade's cancer is eating away at her brain now. Poor thing...it must be fucking starving

Cancer's not all bad. It's turned an 'ignorant racist bitch' into a 'beautiful loving mother'.

What's the difference between Jade Goody and Hitler? Max Clifford

How To Promote An Album

Now, I'm not entirely sure how serious this is, but Josh Freese (the former drummer from Nine Inch Nails) has an interesting idea on how to raise more than the $7 per online album sale he would normally get.

For $50 you get the CD/DVD double-disc set, a T-shirt and "Thank you" phone call from Josh for buying Since 1972. You can tell him what you like about the record that you purchased, or what you thought sucked. Ask whatever you want, like "Is Maynard really THAT weird?" or "Which one of Sting’s mansions has the comfiest beds?" or "Are Devo really suburban robots that monitor reality or just a bunch of dads from Ohio?" or "Why don’t the Vandals play more stuff off the first record?" It’s your 5 minutes to yack it up. Talk about whatever you want.

For $1,000 (limited to an edition of 10) you get all of the above, minus the phone call, but with a signed cymbal, drum head and drumsticks. If that's not a good enough deal for you, Josh washes your car OR does your laundry … or you can wash his car (which doesn't seem like much fun to me) then you can have dinner with Josh aboard the Queen Mary in Long Beach, California, followed by getting drunk and cutting each other’s hair in the parking lot of the Long Beach courthouse (filmed and posted on YouTube, of course)

There are more, but it would be rash of me to spoil the enjoyment of what $75,000 gets you.

Facebook Needs Bash.org Application

Perhaps it's just me, or the people that I know, but there seems to have been an increase in weird status updates on Facebook since they made it look more like Twitter.

This one in particular made me laugh out loud this morning, but there's normally three or four that make me giggle.And it made me wonder why there's not an application on Facebook that allows you to upload any bits of genius to a "Comments Hall of Fame". (Any coders wanting to try, please go ahead, I won't claim copyright)

Something along the lines of the bash.org, except not for the (presumably dwindling number of) IRCers.

The Present She'll Love

Cock in the box



From the wonderful Fail Blog

The English Abroad

Would appear to be completely clueless.

Apparently, These Are Real

Although I'm not entirely certain.

From The Daily WTF, Health & Safety in the workplace

Enjoy

The Daily Mash - Again Bang On The Money

In a "report" titled "WHY ARE ALL THE PUBS CLOSING? ASK PEOPLE WHO NEVER GO TO THE PUB"

Millions of people across Britain who never go to the pub were last night asking why all the pubs were closing down.

As it was revealed that 2000 pubs have closed in the last year, non-pub goers said their community would not be the same without the local pub they never went to.

Margaret Gerving, from Peterborough, said: "I was delighted when the smoking ban came in because it meant I could finally go to the pub without being killed.

"But then I didn't, mainly because I'm not the sort of person who likes going to pubs. I prefer to stay in with a carton of pomegranate juice and a bag of pine nuts and make long lists of all the things I want banned.

"Now it turns out that nobody else is going either because quite a lot of the people who used to go to the pub also liked to smoke. But none of this explains why all the pubs are closing down."

Julian Cook, from Devon, said: "Our local pub looks really lovely from the outside. It's got flower baskets and a nice old fashioned sign. Unfortunately it's used by local people with accents who dress differently from me and who are, I suspect, incredibly racist."

Which would be hilarious if it weren't so true. The next bit however did make me laugh out loud.

Former pub owner Charlie Reeves, from Hereford, said: "We were told that the smoking ban would mean lots of young mums and dads bringing their children in. But that didn't really help because there's only so much Guinness you can pour down a three year-old before it falls asleep."

Followed by the bit I'd like on a t-shirt:

"Then there's the added factor that a pub with children in it isn't really a pub, it's a fucking hell hole."

The Daily Mash

TDM are in fine form at the moment. Following on from their earlier piece about Gordon Brown refusing to hand back his pension, we now have their take on Harriet Harperson's claim that the Government can change any law they like if enough people are against something.

Law of Gravity is to be repealed.

"THE government is to repeal the law of gravity because quite a lot of people don't like it anymore.

Labour's deputy leader Harriet Harman said millions of ordinary people were furious that the universal force holding everything in place had been able to get away with it for so long.

She told the BBC's Andrew Marr Show: "Gravity might be enforceable in a court of law, or the universe, but it is not enforceable in the court of public opinion, and that is where the government steps in.

"People in this country want to know why heavy things don't just float about on the breeze like helium-filled balloons.

"Meanwhile ordinary families are dreading September and the prospect of millions of ripe, juicy apples bouncing off their hard-working skulls."

Ms Harman hinted that other universal constants may have to be reviewed, insisting the majority of taxpayers now think the speed of light is 'out of control'.

Clicking her fingers, she added: "It's that quick. In fact it might even be quicker than that. Do we really want light whizzing about the place in such a selfish and irresponsible manner?"

But British businesses have warned they may quit the country if heavy things are just going to float around in mid-air.

A spokesman for JCB, the JCB manufacturers, said: "A 20 tonne earth mover is of little use if it's suspended 40 feet above the earth it's supposed to be moving. You just can't get any purchase."

Bill McKay, professor of contractual physics at Reading University, said: "Let me try to explain this in layman's terms. Harriet Harman is an unbearably ghastly human being who will say and do anything to become leader of the Labour Party."

Flying

Having spent rather a long time on planes in the past month, I read with some interest that Ryanair are planning to install coin slots on the toilets. Not entirely sure if the bloke being interviewed was being serious, but it seems that the good folk of B3ta have gone one further.

I Should Be More Precise

In what I wish for really.

Cristiano Ronaldo writes off Ferrari in crash.

Yay!

But is unhurt. (Although police claim he was rolling around on the ground pretending to be injured - Badoomtish!)

Boo.

/me makes note to add "and dies" to next wish.

This Made Me Laugh

Yes, I know, I'm a sick man.

Palmeiras coach Vanderlei Luxemburgo has suffered a broken arm after being attacked by his club's own fans. "It was the attitude of vandals," he told reporters.

Not funny so far, I grant you. Comedy bit follows.

"If we had known Palmeiras were going to lose 5-2 against Flamengo two days later, we'd have broken one of his legs as well," declared a fan's spokesman.

Now *that* is supporting your team.

H/T The Fiver

To Amuse The Devil

Via Old Holborn's site but originally from the Guardian's comment section regarding the death of Baby P.

Dear Ms Featherstone,

I think the people who should truly say sorry for such events are the opinion leaders of the Guardian. Please allow me to explain.

Last week I visited (as a doctor) a family in a council estate. The mother was concerned about her 12 year old son. She was very pleased that her older son was now on incapacity and would therefore do well for himself in terms of money. There is nothing wrong with this older boy that makes him incapacitated, but that is another story.

She also had a 14 year old daughter, who while I was there, constantly argued with her mother demanding money for cigarettes. The three children had three different fathers, all absent. The kids, while I could see were still children, gleamed with malignant insolence. I can see them turning into damaged adults.

I feel sorry for the trap they are in – the trap created directly by the welfare state whereby the family, and all those in the neighbourhood, see welfare as a lifestyle option. They live in squalor but have more wealth than most people I knew in India; they certainly have more material comforts than I ever had growing up in Delhi.

The Guardian describes such families as poor. The Labour party wants to throw money at the family. The Guardian readers blame Margaret Thatcher for this state of affairs, smug in their modern pieties, their intellectual laziness, and their stupidity masquerading as sanctimonious concern. I used to work with slum children in Delhi; they had very little, but even the most physically disabled amongst them made an effort.

There is no hope for Britian. Civilisations dont die, they commit suicide. And before they commit suicide, they read and believe the Guardian.

I truly and deeply feel sorry for all the children who are the victims of the welfare state. Things are much, much worse for the slum children in India, I saw more dignity among them and certainly greater hope.

I am not sure if you will understand this message. I am too tired to explain further. Either you will get or you wont. Either way, it will make no difference to anything.

The Guardian, the harbinger of doom.

A Company You Can Trust

From The Daily WTF


"I can't decide if the biggest WTF is using poster board, stencils and multiple colours of what appears to be chalk in their quest of 'moving technology forward' or the fact that they apparently made a mistake while putting the 'N' in consulting and just decided to use a bit of masking tape to correct it, rather than flip the board over and start again."

Day Of Fantastic Quotes

Quite an interesting selection, in my opinion, showing the wit and stupidity of people in the UK in equal amounts.

In regard to this article about banning fast food outlets from opening "within 400m (0.4km) of areas often used by children", this beautiful bit of double speak Council leader councillor Clyde Loakes:

"There are more than enough fast food outlets in this borough and we want to stop any more from opening. The bottom line is that residents simply don't have enough choice because of the number of fast food takeaways - we don't want to tell them how to live their lives but we do want to give them the widest possible choice in what they can eat."

In response to this idea of putting anti-religious statements on London's buses, a wonderful statement of blind stupidity from Stephen Green of pressure group Christian Voice who said:

"People don't like being preached at."

as well as the equally fucking stupid:

"Bendy-buses, like atheism, are a danger to the public at large."

It's funny, I don't recall atheism or bendy buses causing many wars or bombing campaigns. Maybe I was off that day when we covered it in World History.

Again from the BBC, in an article about the latest book to have "angered Muslims" (really, are there any other types of Muslim?) a particularly funny comment from 'Mark, London':

"I understand the anger of Muslims. I grew up in a family of fundamentalist dental hygienists, and I know how angry I would be if someone wrote such blasphemous lies about the tooth fairy."

The best, for me, was a letter in today's Metro. I've tried to find a better link online, but this (registration required) seems to be the only place, on page 22. Here's a picture of it instead.

Happy Coincidence

Picture from Guido's Friday Caption Contest:


Headline from the BBC:

Balls found inside rattling dog

Exactly How The Credit Crunch Happened

But in a slide presentation of stickmen. Best viewed in full screen (click the little icon in the bottom corner)

Hat tip to Obnoxio The Clown (and if you think I swear a lot, you may want to cover your eyes)

How Many Five Year Olds Can You Take In A Fight?

35

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Beat that you fuckers.

Hat-tip to The Devil