Mike Ashley, Derek Llambias And Alan Pardew

I used to be a life-long supporter of Newcastle United. I supported them through thin & thinner. Despite having put up with nearly being in the third division of English football, nearly winning the Premier League twice and being losing finalists in several cups, I kept supporting.

This is no longer the case.

Owner Mike Ashley and Chairman Derek Llambias have tried my patience previously: They hired Joe Kinnear. They installed Denis Wise as a "director of football". They contrived to get us relegated. They re-named the stadium. All of which irritated me and alienated yet more of the fan base. But I remained a supporter of NUFC until now.

When the decision was taken to sack Chris Hughton, I decided to switch my allegiances to Sunderland. This is not an easy decision for me, nor one I'd like to last any longer than is necessary, but I will not support NUFC while Mike Ashley and Derek Llambias remain in control of the club.

It seems that despite insisting in October that they'd be giving a new contract Chris Hughton (brought NUFC back out of the Championship after the relegation with the longest unbeaten run in NUFC history) they actually had no intention of doing so. Despite NUFC sitting in mid-table, winning away at Arsenal in the league and at Chelsea in the cup and hammering Sunderland 5-1, it seems they wanted someone "with more management experience".

So speculation was rife that NUFC would get Martin Jol, or Martin O'Neill. But it seemed unlikely, given that Jol had Hughton as Assistant Manager at Tottenham when he was Manager and isn't going to take a job at a club that had just sacked Hughton. And as O'Neill walked from Aston Villa when it became clear he wasn't going to be given complete control of the purchases and team selections, he surely wasn't going to a club where players have been bought and sold without the manager being informed.

And then today, the BBC report that Alan Pardew is going to be taking over at NUFC. If I supported NUFC, I would be really quite cross about that. Pardew has managed for more games than Hughton, but most of them weren't in the Premier League. He did bring West Ham up from the Championship, but when in the Prem, he decided to pick Marlon Harewood ahead of Carlos Tevez & Javier Mascherano. His most recent job - from which he was sacked in August, allegedly for having sex with a player's wife/girlfriend - was to manage Southampton, in Division One.

So why is he the man for the job? Well according to the BBC, he knows Ashley & Llambias because he frequents the same London casino as them. Which, as a *shudder* Sunderland fan, seems as good a reason as any to me. There's already a rumour that he'll be working for NUFC for free as he owes huge gambling debts to Ashley and/or Llambias, but I doubt that's true (for any lawyers reading). But it could be.

The worst part in the BBC's report is that Pardew was apparently in talks with NUFC about taking over the role of manager some ten days ago. Or 8 days BEFORE Hughton was sacked. If that is true, then even as a *cough* Mackem, I would be furious at Pardew and incandescent with rage at Ashley and Llambias.

If the League Manager's Association (LMA) has any clout whatsoever, it would be delightful to see Mike Ashley and/or Llambias being fined for the way they've acted over the sacking of Hughton. As is more likely, sod all will happen, except Carroll, Nolan, Jonas, Collocini & Krul will be sold in January, NUFC will get relegated at the end of the season, and Pardew will be sacked.

When Ashley leaves, I will return - regardless of what division NUFC are in.

I Should Be More Precise

In what I wish for really.

Cristiano Ronaldo writes off Ferrari in crash.

Yay!

But is unhurt. (Although police claim he was rolling around on the ground pretending to be injured - Badoomtish!)

Boo.

/me makes note to add "and dies" to next wish.

This Made Me Laugh

Yes, I know, I'm a sick man.

Palmeiras coach Vanderlei Luxemburgo has suffered a broken arm after being attacked by his club's own fans. "It was the attitude of vandals," he told reporters.

Not funny so far, I grant you. Comedy bit follows.

"If we had known Palmeiras were going to lose 5-2 against Flamengo two days later, we'd have broken one of his legs as well," declared a fan's spokesman.

Now *that* is supporting your team.

H/T The Fiver

And So It Ends

As probably expected after three days of wrangling, Kevin Keegan has resigned his position of manager of Newcastle United. He claims that he could no longer continue in the post as he felt the position of manager should allow him to buy the players he wanted, rather than have players bought buy those higher up the management chain and then have him try to fit them in.

The Board of NUFC claims that if Keegan wasn't happy, he should have raised his concerns to the club rather than just resigning. What he was doing for three days before finally resigning then, I don't know. And let's face it, Keegan has prior form on walking away from a job that wasn't going his way - NUFC in the 90s, England and then Manchester City.

So what next? Well apart from the utter delight no doubt emanating from the unwashed sector of the North East, and the anger of the rent-a-dick mob (and I'm including former players in that group, not just the nylon covered unemployed outside St James's Park) normally on Sky Sports News when any announcement like this regarding NUFC is made, there's not a great deal that can be done, is there?

Supporters stop going to matches

Well, the terraces would be empty and any new manager (potentially even the hated Wise, seemingly the person responsible for Keegan's resignation) would have a ready made excuse for dismal performances. Also, as the majority of people who actually attend games are season ticket holders, the club has already had the money, so not turning up to watch is actually just annoying yourself at your own expense.

Stop buying merchandise

Bit late in the season for that as I'm sure the majority of people who were likely to buy a Toon shirt etc will have already snapped up the slightly redesigned shirts as soon as they came out. Okay, so the combination of not going to the matches and not buying merchandise like programs and 'refreshments' inside the ground might have some financial effect, the majority of NUFC income doesn't come from these sources.

Go to games and protest

Again, this gives any new manager a ready made excuse for poor results - "the players were distracted" - and does more harm than good. Similarly the option of turning up to the game and watching in utter silence makes very little difference (remember how successful Arsenal were despite playing in the Highbury Library) and could also be used as an excuse by whichever puppet is installed in the manager's job.

Boycott of Sports Direct

While this would be more targetted on Mike Ashley than on NUFC as a whole, I'm not sure the potential purchasing power of NUFC's fan base would actually make much difference to Sports Direct's sales. Ashley is - aside from his purchase of NUFC without knowing the full extent of the debts - a fairly shrewd businessman, so any boycott of one of his businesses would no doubt profit another one somewhere down the line.

Petition the LMA to advise no-one takes the job

Quite an entertaining suggestion this, working on the slightly old-fashioned ideas that a petition actually does anything, and that the League Manager's Association have any power whatsoever. Richard Bevan, chief executive of the League Managers' Association, has already told BBC Radio 4 the Magpies had to resolve this issue.

"You can't have an orchestra with three conductors. You won't be very successful and people will leave," he said.

While it would actually be good if the LMA said, as many people already believe, that NUFC is essentially unmanageable with the current 'structure' in place, many other clubs with far richer owners (Chelsea, Man City) are likely to be more successful with people other than the manager buying the players.

So will I be doing? I'm going to do what I honestly can recommend everyone else does: Shut up about NUFC, not talk about them or offer my opinions any further. There's been too much written about the machinations of the NUFC board and management over the past decade, and precious little good to come out of it on the field of play. When it comes down to it, NUFC are now beyond comment except perhaps as a warning to others.

I shall leave you with a quote from the independent fans website NUFC.com from Tuesday:

"SkySports played their joker on Tuesday afternoon by interviewing Freddy Shepherd live on the phone - a timely reminder that we've been through this pantomime before. The faces (and accents) of the cast may change, but the script remains farcical, scarcely believable and unique to this particular theatre of nightmares."

And those will be my last words on NUFC. Ever.

Football And The Pursuit Of Money

First off, this will be a rant in a series of rants. So if you don't like rants, look away now. If you do like rants but don't like football, you might actually enjoy this one.

For those who don't know, I am a Newcastle United fan by birth. In that I have no choice; I was raised there. I was (and still am to a lesser extent) a fan of Tottenham Hotspur, and this was due to how they played football when I was a kid - exciting attacking stuff.

But that is about to end. I shall be giving up the support. I shall no longer be caring what the results are and where "we" are in the table. My mood at weekends will no longer determined by 11 people on a football pitch. The enjoyment I get from the game has waned over recent times. Last week however it impossible to continue.

Last Thursday, Premier League chief Richard Scudamore announced a plan which would make teams play one more game each in a foreign venue. All 20 clubs of the Premier League agreed to explore a proposal to extend the season to 39 games.

Those 10 extra games would be played at five different venues, with cities bidding for the right to stage the game, but not guaranteeing which teams would play. It is understood the fixtures would be determined by a draw and that the top-five teams could be seeded to avoid playing each other.

Scudamore is reported by The Telegraph as saying on Friday "Never on my watch will it go to a 40th game" yet by Monday this had changed to "You can't sit here in the job I have and say 'never'." An expansion beyond 39 games is now under consideration.

Scudamore claims that this move is necessary: "We've seen how sport's globalising, we compete in the entertainment industry." He tries to argue that this is about positioning football as the world's number one sport and to encourage the leagues in "developing countries".

This is bullshit: it's all about the Benjamins.

As has become the norm in the Premier League, money has become the driving motivation for all decisions. There is no regard whatsoever for the loyal UK based supporter of limited means: the traditional football fan.

With the average Premiership footballer now receiving (correct to April 2006) £13,000 per week, the gap between football player and football fan is enormous. In the Championship the average wage is £3,700 per week and in League One it's £1,300. League Two players on average bring home £950 per week.

The average wage across the whole of the UK is around £500 per week. In two weeks the average Premiership footballer earns the same as the average worker does in an entire year. There are, of course, well known examples of footballers who earn in excess of £100,000 a week. It’s a long, long way from 1881 when Blackburn Rovers were the first club to pay their players. The wage then? £1 a week.

Dan Jones, partner of Deloitte's sports business group, said "We do expect the average annual earnings for a Premier League player next season will be in the region of £1.1m and that over the next three years we will see English football's first player to earn £10m per annum from a club, equivalent to £200,000 per week"

The pursuit of money is the driving force for the Premier League's decision. It is my view that the pursuit of money is destroying football. Further, it is my view that the pursuit of money is destroying society, and it is to this subject that I shall return in my next post.

Rejoice! ID Cards Delayed Until 2012

In news as fantastic as Spurs finally beating Arsenal, the Government's ID Card scheme appears to have been delayed until after the next election.

The BBC is reporting that the Tories have received leaked documents laying out the timetable for introduction, and the majority of the roll out appears to now be expected in 2012.

So if the Tories or the Lib Dems happen to knock Labour out, then both are expected to cancel the plans. A hung parliament is also likely to kill the bill as the Lib Dem leader Nick Clegg has promised to undertake Civil Disobediance if he is forced to have an ID Card.

And while the Government deny the details of the leaked document, the rumours will persist.

Gordon Brown, he's looking tired, don't you think?

Thanks For Listening!

This is a message to Mike Ashley and Chris Mort, who appear to read my blog.

Thanks for sacking Allardyce, as I asked. And thanks for hiring Keegan, as I asked just the other day!

Nice to know someone out there listens to me!

So Why Keegan?

Following on from my post of earlier today (below), here are some of the reasons I'd like to see Kevin Keegan installed as manager of Newcastle United.

1. He loves the club.

Not just in a shirt-kissing way that some footballers do when they want to get the fans onside just before a big money move to one of their local rivals (and yes Alan Smith, I am looking at you here), but in a mind-blowing, can't-talk-about-it-without-getting-misty-eyed kind of way. Witness how utterly important Newcastle winning the Premiership was to him, and how he was so totally destroyed when we lost to Man Utd.

That is the kind of uber loyalty money just cannot buy. It's the same kind of thing we had when Sir Bobby Robson was at the helm (and I still cannot believe Fat Freddie Shepherd had the gall to sack him and replace him with Souness, but that's another story) and you knew he cared when the results weren't going the right way. I'm sure it's the same thing Alan Shearer would have if he were manager some day (but not today, he's not got any experience).

2. He's played for the club.

Sounds a weird reason, but think about it for a moment. Unless you've played for Newcastle United and felt what comes off the stands when things are going right - and wrong - how are you going to know what the players are feeling? How can you possibly be a man manager without knowing exactly you wanted to hear in the same situation?

Better than many possible managers, Keegan hasn't played for one of our major rivals (unlike the not sorely missed Allardyce who'd played for Sunderland) or managed a minor one (I cannot believe anyone is seriously thinking we'd go for McLaren after he'd been in charge of Boro).

3. He's managed the club.

Again, a very odd reason, but the logic from above stands. Unless you've managed Newcastle United before - and the hype was even bigger when Keegan was in charge than it is now (remember the Adidas & Sugar Puffs adverts?) - you have no way of knowing just how much the press and every single person from the North East is going to analyse every single thing you do.

Saying that, there's not a great deal of managers we'd welcome back with open arms - Souness I'm looking at you here - but Keegan and Robson would definitely be two of them. Even Roeder if he was installed back as the Academy boss (he oversaw the development of two current first teamers and many more who could yet make the grade).

No-one understands the pressure cooker of being Newcastle boss better than Keegan. It nearly killed him the last time, and he's older and wiser now.

4. He's currently not in management.

Since resigning from Manchester City, Keegan has been out of club management. To some people this means he's not got his finger on the pulse and is out of touch with current methods of training. To me, this means he's had time to develop and hone the training methods he was previously successful with and isn't in the thrall of the latest fad.

Handily, and I'm sure this will be something to appeal to Mike Ashley, it also means that we won't have to pay cash money to another club in order to get him. Very handy seeing as we're having to pay a reported £6 million to Allardyce for terminating his contract, and Portsmouth wanted the same amount if we'd taken Redknapp off them. Let's keep the money to buy decent players, shall we?

5. He's likely to resign.

Not a great reason, I have to admit, but it makes further financial sense.

Keegan quit Newcastle after deciding he couldn't take them any further. We'd finished second in the league twice in quick succession. Souness was sacked after such highlights as losing 3-0 to Man City, Gullit after losing to the Mackems, Roeder after losing an FA Cup replay to the then lower league Birmingham. They all cost us money to get rid of. Keegan went for free.

Keegan will either do the job brilliantly, and then quit. Or he will fail to achieve the standards he's set himself, and then quit. It will cost us NOTHING to terminate his contract, he'll do that himself.

Sam Allardyce, A Fond Farewell.

So Sam Allardyce got the sack/mutual consent from NUFC last week. There were lots of people phoning into TalkSport and Radio Five that evening to say that it was too soon and he should have been given more time. There were other people saying that he'd had a few months more than Eriksson had had at Manchester City and look how well he was doing, so he deserved to get the push. There were even a few fools ringing in demanding that Alan Shearer be the new manager, despite him having no managerial qualifications and a cushy life on the Match of the Day sofa.

I will come to who I'd like to be the next manager at the end, but first, I think I should back Mike Ashley's decision to sack Sam.

After our stunning 6-0 loss to Manchester United this weekend (which would have been a loss even if we'd had a manager going into the game) we stand 11th and SIX points behind the team above us in the Premiership table (West Ham United). We are, however, only six points above the relegation zone (the spot currently occupied by S*nderland) and we've lost to pretty much every team between 18th and 12th. After a near Cup exit to the mighty Stoke, I'm only surprised Ashley waited so long.

Allardyce was the last remnant of the Fat Freddie Shepherd regime. His tactics were questionable, his recent purchases mainly awful and his insistence on not talking to the BBC just childish. The people who pay to watch the Toon don't want to see the long ball game, they don't want dour 0-0 draws at home, and they don't want the slightly erratic local kid not even on the bench when you're playing a fat Aussie from Smogville up front.

We like wingers. We like two centre forwards. We like playing it on the ground to feet. We like creative midfielders. We like, in short, attacking football. We understand that sometimes it won't work and we'll get hit on the counter, we don't mind losing if we've played well. We want the players to look like they're trying as hard as they can - like the shirt matters to them as much as it matters to us.

The way we've been playing recently (one win in six, visit to Arsenal to come), there was every chance we'd be moving down the table and not up. And if we were to get relegated.. Hmmm, I was going to write how bad it would be, but you know what, it wouldn't be that bad.

We'd lose some of our big wage earners: but hey, they're shit and don't care about the club, so good riddance to them. We'd lose the corporates at the games: good, see ya, don't let the turnstyle hit your well-upholstered arse on the way out. Some of the fans may even get a much needed dose of reality: we are *not* big enough to win the Premiership or to guarantee European football every season.

Sure we'd end up in the Championship getting fouled off the park by teams that had just come up from League One, but you know what, we'd learn how to fight, and we'd learn how to beat teams we're supposed to beat. We were supposed to beat Derby (P22 7PTS) this season, but lost away and then just about scraped a draw at home (Beye equalising in the 90th minute).

We'd also have something an incoming manager could aim for. Either save us from relegation this season or get us straight back up to the Premiership next season. No "aiming for a European place", not "guaranteeing silverware". Just stop us from getting worse, get us some players who want to play for us and get us playing football as a team again.

So while Mark Hughes (currently joint favourite) could do the job - he's transformed Blackburn on a fairly limited budget - why would he leave a team that he's just got playing the way he wants? Ditto David Moyes, Gordon Strachan and everyone else who has a job. Harry Redknapp, the last name to be linked, no thanks - we don't need another manager involved in the Panorama investigation. Can't see Mourinho, Lippi, Jol or van Gaal wanting it.

Which leaves only one name, Keegan. And I shall post later on why he is the only choice left.

Newcastle United, Again

So, it's been a while since I mentioned the football - and if you don't want to know the results, look away now - and I thought I'd wait until we'd stopped being quite so bad before commenting again. Didn't realise it would take this long, but there you go. Just didn't want to give the impression I was kicking the team when they were already down.

Going into the game last Wednesday against Arsenal, I didn't hold out much hope of a result. When we went behind after 4 minutes, I suspected the tidal wave of goals would be coming against us. Much to my surprise, it didn't happen. What actually happened was a determined (if still slightly light on creativity and out right chances) performance that got us a well-deserved draw and could have led to a slightly surprising win.

Now obviously, Boro beating Arsenal this past weekend does make our result look slightly less impressive, but given how easily we'd shipped goals against Liverpool, Blackburn and Portsmouth, I was pleased with the result. I was also dreading how we'd do on Saturday against a Birmingham side who'd beaten Tottenham in their previous game, but such is the life of a Newcastle supporter.

As it happens, it started in the usual way, with us going a goal down all too quickly due to the new tactic of hoofing the ball up to the striker (just the one, even though we were at home against a bottom six team) and watching it come back all too directly into the hole where central defenders normally operate. Well, where you'd normally expect them to be. Unless you're a Newcastle fan, when you'd expect a gaping hole.

Like the Arsenal game though, Newcastle got back into it. This time through a dubious penalty (although we should have had one later that was ignored) and unlike against Arsenal, grabbed a win through a freaky goal (by the usually inept Beye) in stoppage time. Allardyce, the players and the fans looked delighted at getting three points for the first time since October. The relief was palpable, to be honest.

While I'm pleased with the win, I'm still no fan of Allardyce's tactics - for God sake man, play 4-4-2 and stop lumping the ball past midfielders who have the creativity to get us goals, it's not fucking tricky is it? His purchases are still not doing the business they were bought to do - the back four of Enrique, Cacapa, Rozehnal and Beye aren't any better (in some cases worse) than we had last season. And he still refuses to give interviews to the BBC - leaving it to the less than interesting Nigel Pearson.

Mourinho's out of work and not going for the England job, Capello's sniffing round the FA for the England job & Klinsmann's looking for club management again. Yet we have the tactical equivalent of being hit over the head with a shovel in charge. Please Mr Ashley, could you please sack the idiot? Thanks.

Fuck Me Again!

Unbelievably, Newcastle managed to beat a decidedly out of sorts Spurs side last night. The first half was, on the whole, rubbish, and Michael Owen was - apart from one shot which the keeper did well to tip round the post - totally anonymous all game. So much so that I did wonder if I'd missed a substitution.

Defensively we looked alright - apart from Habib Beye who did his usual wandering - and Emre looked good in the midfield alongside Butt. One thing, surely if we're at home against a bottom three side, you can at least play both the wingers we have at once? Milner (who scored Newcastle's 500th Premiership goal at St James's Park) having come on for N'Zogbia at half-time. Not entirely sure about playing Geremi on the wing.

Still, a win's a win and we're currently sat just a point behind Chelsea with a game in hand.

Dear Sam Allardyce

Please fuck off back to Bolton for the following reasons.

1. 4-3-3 will not work when you play three defensive midfielders in the middle of the park away from home, it ends up being 4-5-1. 4-5-1 is not particularly effective going forward, unless there's some threat through the middle and decent delivery from the wings.

2. Stop changing back to 4-4-2 when we go a goal down. Start with 4-4-2 and then, when we go a goal up, consider changing to the much more defensive 4-5-1 by all means, but don't do it the other way around. It's obvious and desperate and the opposition can sit back and defend it easier.

3. Try a tactic that doesn't involve lumping the ball up the middle of the park. It was dull when you were at Bolton (with limited resources, apparently) and it's even more dull now.

4. Try playing players in their natural positions. I know it's a revolutionary idea, but N'Zogbia is a left winger so try playing him there from the start of a game. This, combined with 2 & 3 may actually allow for some crosses going into the box from the wing and not from the half way line.

5. Give post-match interviews to the BBC. I know you don't like the fact they showed you in the Panorama investigation, but seeing as our previous assistant manager was sacked for a much smaller role, you're lucky to be here, so speak to them. I don't want to have to pay Sky to hear what you think you've done.

Dear Mike Ashley

I've just got home from watching Newcastle at the Emirates tonight, and I have to say that disappointed doesn't really come close to expressing what I feel right now.

After the encouraging performance on Sunday, I had hoped that the manager (and I use the term advisedly) had realised that playing wide attacking players with two strikers was a "good thing"(tm). But no. And in retrospect I realise that me even thinking he'd had a revelation was just crazy. Sunday's result was a fluke and the previous game against Derby was more representative of his style of play.

Starting with just the one striker (despite the presence of two more elsewhere on the pitch) against a less than spectacular Arsenal central pairing was negative, but I can see the justification from a tactical point of view I suppose. Having Shola Ameobi (a right footed striker) playing outside on the left wing, while playing Charles N'Zogbia (a left footed winger) in a central position, however, is inexcusable.

For a supposed "master tactician", Allardyce has shown his inability to utilise the players at his disposal. Defensively we look as inept as we were last season while we still had Bramble. Our midfield is lacking creativity and width. Our attack seems to comprise entirely of the long ball over the top. This is not attractive football. More importantly, this is not successful football. Allardyce has won nothing, and this will continue unless the format changes.

His purchases, particularly £6million for Smith, have been questionable at best. Rozehnal is probably the only player he's bought who is fit to wear the shirt. Also, a quick question: did we buy Habib Beye as a right back? If so, why? He was out of position for most of the evening, being dragged inside and leaving plenty of space for Arsenal to explore down their left wing. This was spectacularly shown in the run up to a clear cut effort in the first half (where Bendtner missed) and the last goal (where Denilson didn't).

Seeing as there are far more talented managers available - and ones who may even want to join Newcastle at the first time of asking, rather than when the England job was definitely out of his reach - please consider removing the current encumbant from the post as soon as possible.

Thanks

NUFC Fail To Perform

Apologies to people who read this who can't stand football, this will be an epic rant on the failure of Newcastle United to beat Derby County this evening in the Premiership.

I have never liked the appointment of Sam Allardyce at Newcastle. Didn't think we needed to sack Glenn Roeder, as we should never have had him as the manager in the first place. Roeder was brilliant at being what he was originally paid to be: in charge of the Academy. He only got the manager's job because Fat Freddy Shepherd (FFS, handily) was stupid enough to previously give it to Graeme Souness, a man who once famously declared he didn't believe in tactics.

So, FFS hires Sam Allardyce - who, I'd like to point out, turned the job down before we appointed Souness - just a short time before selling the entire club. I like to think that this wasn't just a parting gesture designed to destroy the club so he could buy it back cheaper than he sold it for, but given the purchases and tactical decisions made by Allardyce so far, I'm not entirely sure.

Maybe I missed the day we bought a creative wide midfielder. I remember clearly the selling of Dyer (not missed, and spectacularly injured playing for West Ham) Luque (not missed either) and Nobby Solano (very much missed, apart from his trumpet playing). I also remember us buying Joey Barton (who may well be unavailable when he stops being injured due to being in prison for assaulting an ex-team mate) Geremi, Alan Smith and Abdoulaye Faye - none of whom are renowned for their creative passing - joining Nicky Butt(!) and Emre, who can pass but doesn't seem able to run.

So at the minute, we have James Milner as the entire creative output of midfield. We could have Charles N'Zogbia on the opposite wing. Could have, but he's currently playing at left-back covering the seemingly permanently injured Celestine Babayaro. Where Jose Sanchez Enrique (bought over the Summer) has gone is something of a mystery. N'Zogbia is not a defender. In much the same way that Titus Bramble (not missed) was not a defender. But N'Zogbia has his uses upfield, so there the similarity ends.

Bought plenty of other defenders as well this Summer, notably at centre-back: Rozehnal (who has looked good but really should have scored three this season rather than the none he has) and the Brazilian Cacapa, both of whom take preference over one of last season's bright spots, Steven Taylor. Habib Beye came in on deadline day to bolster options at right-back (probably due to the injuries sustained by the previous two choices - Stephen Carr and Peter Ramage - in the same game), but started this evening on the bench while Taylor (a centre-back) played right-back instead.

And I clearly remember the signing of the Fat Aussie Bastard himself, Mark Viduka. Never been popular on Tyneside, so it was something of a surprise when he dragged his lardy arse up from Teeside to look out of breath/condition/position in the black & white stripes. Particularly surprising when we had a returning to fitness Owen to partner Obafemi Martins up front. And Shola Ameobi.

So as I say, we may have signed a gifted creative midfielder, but I obviously just don't remember when. Or who. Or why they're not playing when it is blindingly apparent that we need some width. Alan Smith, despite his inability to tackle, strange similarity to Eminem and past affiliations with Leeds & Manchester United - all of which naturally endear him to the Newcastle public - just isn't suited to wing play.

If we have no wing play, then all the attack has to go through the middle of the park, which seems to mean lumping it up to Ameobi/FAB/Martins and hoping Owen's wheel shaped legs are spinning quick enough to get onto a knock down. If we have no wing play, then the opposition's full-backs can get forward and put crosses in for their forwards. If we have no wing play, essentially, we're doomed.

I was hoping that when the new owners came in, they would sack Allardyce and bring in someone that plays the sort of football we in Newcastle like to watch. But no. Given how badly we played this evening, however, it may start to cross their minds.

Iraq or Wearside?

Some entertaining news in - unless you happen to be a member of the Great Unwashed - from the crazy world of Royston Keane.

Al Gharafa's Iraqi striker Younis Mahmoud admitted he had turned down a move to S*nderland because his father would prefer to live in peaceful Iraq than war torn Wearside. "My father likes it there and won't go," he sighed. "Maybe next year I'll move."

On a happier note for the Mackems, I shall be visiting you in August and wearing a Newcastle top so I'll be easier to spot.

Man From UEFA Being Funny Shock.

You may not care, but there was "ticketing chaos" in the Athens stadium where this year's UEFA Champions League Final was taking place. Apparently, hundreds of supporters with genuine tickets were kept outside the stadium as lots of people were already inside having used fake tickets.

So Michael Howard (remember him?) was on the radio this morning complaining that: "I didn't think the match should have been held at the stadium. It's not a football stadium and is not equipped to cope with that number of people. That is not acceptable and Uefa really need to look at their procedures and make sure everything is all in order."

To which Uefa spokesman William Gaillard said: "It is very easy to say it is not a suitable stadium, coming from the man that invented the poll tax."

Which doesn't really make a fantastic amount of sense when you think about it, but is miles better than, "why don't you just shut up and fuck off" which is essentially what it does say. And it's funny, I think.

Rejoice! He's Announced He's Leaving!

No, I'm not late on the Blair story. I'm talking about a man with an ego even larger than that. A man who also has a single minded belief in his own opinions being facts. A man who also is unable to count to three.

Graham Poll is giving up refereeing! Some would argue (and I would probably be one of them) that he gave up the actual refereeing many years ago and has actually become - in his own mind at least - more important than the football matches he was supposed to be officiating.

Good riddance you twat.

Quick Post, Lots Of Topics

Disney believe Santa is their character.

Residents of a Swedish village want to fjuck off.

Over 1 million innocent people already on Home Office DNA database.

EU passport "cloned in 5 mins", but Home Office don't see a problem with that.

Oh, and Newcastle won. w00t.

Happy Birthday To Me!

Despite not wanting to, I had to work on my birthday. It wasn't for very long, but still, it was a Saturday! Then, having watched the Arsenal v Spurs game on TV, had to do more work! Okay, this second bout of work only involved making a sound system work in my local, and I did get paid for it in beer, but the sentiment is the same. Shouldn't work on my birthday.

Foreign Ownership Of Football Clubs

So, at the present time, six clubs in the Premiership are in the hands of foreign investors with Liverpool likely to become the seventh in the next few days. This will mean one third of the Premiership will be owned by chairmen from overseas.

Not necessarily a bad thing, and this won't lapse into some longing for the times when racism, hooliganism and appalling lack of regard for the safety of the fans was a great deal more common than it is now. I do however, question the mentality of some fans of clubs - such as my own - who actively look for the short-term benefit without looking at the potential long-term losses in these overseas investors.

Okay, so you may end up with the situation Chelsea are in: two Premierships in a row, and a team normally only assembled with a hacked version of Championship Manager. Wonderful news for the fans who've been with them through thick and thin: The fans who remember how bad they used to be. Unfortunately this success has come at a price.

Chelsea is now one of the most expensive stadiums to watch football in, not just in the Premiership, but in the world. And you can get away with charging what you want should demand outstrip supply. Which of course it does, as every glory hunting fan in London (and beyond) now claims to have always liked Chelsea and tries to get to at least one game a season.

Unfortunately, Chelsea have also become the image of a fantastically grand-scale money laundering operation. Buy a player, lets call him Damien Duff, from Blackburn Rovers for £17m, pay him, oh, let's say £70k a week (and I'm probably being conservative there) for two seasons (but only really get one decent season out of him) then sell him to Newcastle United for £5m. Right. Good business sense there. The money Newcastle paid for him is less than his wages would have cost Chelsea for the two years he was there, even if he was *only* on £50k a week.

Repeat with, oh, so many to choose from; Juan Sebastien Veron (bought for £15m, let go on a free having spent two seasons on loan away from Chelsea); Adrian Mutu (released from his contract - at a cost of £13.8m - when he was discovered to have a drug habit); Shaun Wright-Phillips (bought for £21m, languished in reserves and on the bench, now probably going for £10m in January sales); and, Scott Parker (bought for £10m, played repeatedly out of position as a winger(!), sold to the Toon for £6.5m).

So, perhaps money laundering is why Abramovich bought Chelsea. Or perhaps he's a great footballing philanthropist? Who knows. But why are so many other, seemingly sensible, people without dirty money to clean looking to "invest" in the Premiership?

Well, how about this.

Today, BT announced it would, in the near future, be launching a service to watch football on your mobile and over its broadband services. At the minute, Sky is pretty much the only way to (legally) watch Premiership football. But this move by BT marks, I believe a change in the paradigm which has potentially HUGE consequences for the consumer.

It can only be a few months before clubs start to sell their own live online footage, charging the fans who can't get into the ground slightly less to watch it somewhere else. And that money is more likely to come directly back to the clubs than it is having been passed through Rupert Murdoch's sweaty Aussie hands. Clubs will start to sell their own television rights (as already happens in Italy) and the "bigger" clubs will get even richer.

So, a canny foreign investor, getting in now, can shell out a relatively large amount of cash in the short-term, take some money from online matches yet still reap the benefit of the Murdoch Monopoly payments for the next few seasons, and then make serious cash from selling their own rights when the current deal runs out.

It is entirely possible that in less than one generation, there'll be no shared experience of watching a big game. Not all football fans will see the same incidents - like Paul Gascoigne being carried off in the FA Cup at Wembley his career effectively ending on a stretcher or like David Beckham scoring from his own half at Wimbledon and being on the verge of being internationally famous - because individual clubs will own that footage. If you want to see it, you're going to have to pay for it.

Quick Post About Football

There's been precious little to cheer about this season if you're a Newcastle United fan. Shearer retires. Owen gets injured at the World Cup and it'll be amazing if he plays again this season. Ameobi is likely to need a hip operation and may not play after January. Dyer gets nearly fit (after about a decade out) then manages to injure himself in training by running into a pole(!) and misses some more games. Given is injured, then his replacement (Harper) gets injured in the next match.

So when Newcastle flew out to play Palermo (joint leaders in the Italian Serie A) for a UEFA Cup match and we left Carr, Duff, Emre and Martins back home - as well as the injured mentioned above - I have to admit I wasn't expecting anything apart from a loss.

As George Michael so nearly said "I should've had faith". We won!

Okay, there'll be more posts soon about privacy being removed, banks being arses, the US being the new Roman Empire, and terror being the new control over the population, but for the minute, let me enjoy Newcastle winning something. Ta.