Sunday, July 29, 2007

Talk About Segues!

Following on from Filipinos in prison, here's something from the "Magandang Balita UK", one of SEVEN papers for the Filipino in London, provided by Suzi as she *knew* I'd find it funny. From page 22 (in the current edition, available until September) a piece called "Having A Groovy Time In The Legend Palawan"

"For your next vacation" it starts "think quality time of free-spirited fun with the whole family" and I know you're now as desperate as I was to know more.

"During my most recent visit in Puerto Princessa" your unnamed but observant reporter notes "I noticed the surge of local visitors now coming in by groups and most specially by families not just from Manila but also by foreigners". Oh yes, not just locals, or locals from Manila, but local foreigners!

And I think I know why: The Honda Bay Island Tour! "While the boat ride itself is an exhilarating experience, the thrill of discovering islands of fine white-sand beaches will give you a different high". I'm suspecting that "white-sand" is a local euphemism for cocaine.

But if that's not enough for you, can I (and the "reporter") recommend a trip on the "Underground River Adventure Tour"? "Although you may opt to have the toddlers and their nannies stay at the hotel's day-care for this one, kids of school age, especially those with a thirst for excitement, will treasure the experience". But, and an important one, "We'll let you be the judge on who can come along". Thanks for that, as I'm guessing it's me who'll be paying and all.

But what of the tour itself? "The adventure actually begins as you trek your way towards the beautiful lagoon that lies outside the river's mouth. As you follow the trail, you'll walk past rare Philippine tree species..." (now, is that just rare for the Philippines, or rare generally, do you think we'd be very "oh look, Oak") "...monkeys and monitor lizards". Well if the trees are more interesting than monkeys, bring them on I say!

"Aboard a fibreglass paddle boat, with life-vests safely secured to each of you..." (and you suspect this statement covers up something sinister that happened recently) "...your family's journey into the Underground River kicks off."

And I swear I haven't made up the next bit.

"The ride will bring you midway through the 8km cave festooned with centuries-old stalagmite and stalactite formations. Viewing these "artworks" by nature is awe-inspiring and quite interesting" Wow. Awe inspiring, but only *quite* interesting. That's a dichotomy to be sure. Loved that, but it gets better, oh yes, but only works by re-reading the whole sentence.

"Viewing these "artworks" by nature is awe-inspiring and quite interesting as some of the formations resemble actual shapes and objects" Oh yeah! Some of these stalagmite and stalactites resemble actual objects, possibly like stalagmites or stalactites if you could imagine such a thing. Although to the Filipino, these must be abstract concepts and they look like an icicle or an upside down icicle, I can only guess. But it's not just me: "Your kids' imaginations will run wild."

"After the thrill of your lives..." (I think I'll be the judge of that, if you don't mind) "...your discovery tour continues with a side trip to the Vietnamese Village on your way back to the hotel"

Come on then, where do I sign up? And to think, I got from Mike Reid dying to here without missing a beat! I love the internet.



Post a Comment

<< Home

eXTReMe Tracker