Friday, July 11, 2008

And You Think I'm Mad?

Via Popbitch comes this truly awe-inspiringly bonkers site,

It is just stunning. And huge. The first page, which will probably take over an hour to read, is just for starters. At the top of the page you'll also find links to many, many more pages of inane ramblings, but I would recommend sticking to the first page you come to.

Some examples;
When I arrived at Heathrow on that fateful day in July of 1998, I was one of a few people carrying a US passport. The question remains why was I the one chosen. It was not random. A member of the few people who lead the United Kingdom was using this system to sexually harass me.
That was when she thinks she contracted Mad Cow Disease.
I still would like one day to return to England, even though Her Majesty, The Queen never liked me, particularly since the divorce. I suggested to Princess Diana that her marriage must be annulled because her husband stood at the altar aware of his plans not to be faithful to her. I also suggested that children of any woman he slept with must undergo a DNA test, especially if these children are older than her sons. After these legal strategies were introduced, the Church, of course, never objected to the divorce, and the Royal Family never again attempted to revoke custody from her. For these reasons, I have never contacted her regarding this.
For an American, she does seem to have quite an obsession with the Royal family.
The White House knew who I was. I am the one they always turn to for help in negotiations strategies. But I receive no payment because Prince William does not want me working full time while being a mother.
Did I mention she also has quite an obsession with Prince William?
The issues involving Prince William's demand of me to return to London are much more emotionally complicated... He sends grapevine subliminal messages through friends and co-workers attempting to lure me with jewelry and other luxuries, while reminding me repeatedly that in five years I will be forty years old - over the reproductive hill. His pre-impregnation demand is that I tolerate his inability to handle my obtaining one of the jobs I have been offered in my field of anthropology.
Like I say, just a slight obsession. Although why she's going into anthropology at all is beyond me, seeing how good she is at weapons & stuff...
When President Billy was considering invading Iraq, I proposed the invention of a bomb that would neutralize the biochemical weapons Saddam Hussein was storing. These are some of my contributions. I have also made personal contributions to the administration of the United Kingdom. I have been laughed at when I asked for payments and instead had to work at the department store which required walking constantly on hard marble floors while I was very sick.
Oh yeah, very sick indeed. Only not in the way you suspect, my dear, but in the mind.

This, while at some points incredibly funny (albeit unintentionally) is really very sad. It is (unless it is a very well done hoax) a statement of mental illness, writ large on the internet for the world to see. Whether anyone has actually done anything about it - like contact her, or section her for her own protection - may be written somewhere amongst the many pages. I doubt it, somehow, that anyone actually cares.

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